Unscene Berlin

A few years ago, I did a post about the weird party names in Berlin. Things have obviously come full circle because now, I'm noticing names again but this time, it's business names. Today, I saw this place in Friedrichshain called "Sound & Cocktails". Like, how much more non-committal can you get? The only thing you know for sure about that place is that you'll have cocktails in a space that isn't a sonic vacuum.  Later, on my way home, I tried to list some even more non-committal names that these people could use for their next location: Sonic Frequencies And Fun Appliances And Atmosphere Dinner And Dimensional Space Liquids And Luminescence -  (because if you specify 'light', people might get their hopes up for nothing) Vibes & Vertebrates -  (because if you specify 'people', people might get their hopes up for nothing) Or, my personal favourite: Molecular Structures And Motion I can i...

"Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide." I just found out that I am going to be working at the Garbicz festival this year. This is good news! I've heard a fair few people around town whinging that it's too expensive / fancy / hippy / slow mo [delete as appropriate] but I found it to be a very experiential and grown up Bacchanal. By which I mean, it focusses whatever it's good at into a high intensity beam that illuminates a very personal, but alluring vision of what openair raving could be.  It's at a really lovely location on an ancient Polish river, with azure waters that look like something from Neolithic times... or a backdrop for a Neolithic fashion shoot, if you will. There are some very decked out modern primitives in this wilderness, as my dusty photos from last year suggest.  The place has a brilliant energy that feels right for working magic of whatever kind: dancing, delirious, holistic chaos magick, but without sacri...

Berlin's authorities expect the public to be mere bystanders in the refugee crisis. "We stand for [support in the civil community] and I think that is why the whole raid happened that night." - Nele, a party organiser at Mensch Meier club.   It's nearing dusk on an unseasonably warm, late March day. The sun is slowly setting over the Neptune Fountain by the TV Tower in Alexanderplatz. A number of trucks, pumping out all different shades of dance music - jungle, house, techno, punk - are pulling up at a courtyard behind Alexanderplatz. Many of them are already switching off their sound systems after a long haul through the streets of Friedrichshain, Kreuzberg and Mitte. Several of the trucks, and their fanatically dancing supporters, are already preparing to leave. One of the mobile sound systems is still going strong, pumping with hard house and trance. The Sea Watch van is being run in cooperation with Mensch Meier, a left-wing club based in East Ber...

When people arrive in this town - particularly when they take one of the alternative tours  that I organise - they usually ask me where the best parties are to be found in Berlin. As anyone who's lived in Berlin a while knows, it is a hard question to answer. That's because the best nights tend to be quite nomadic, which makes them hard to pin down to any single venue. Berlin's best  club  nights tend to be more like word of mouth 'name brands' that move around from place to place, never staying in one spot for long. There's a reason why there are so many floating (as in, on a boat) parties in this city, people, and it's got more to do with ease of transport than it does with any desire to be seen "yacht clubbing it"! Tal der Verwirrung is an excellent example of this: a trippy, downtempo party that plays slow, disco house and trance, it has moved around to at least three venues in the past five years, and probably more that I'm unawa...

Last weekend, I was working on the Mein Floor bar when a tall guy leaned over the counter and waved at me. I asked him to wait his turn because I was busy serving a few other customers but he kept waving. I tried to ignore him so I could concentrate on those other guests, until my colleague tapped me on the shoulder: "That guy wants to speak with you." I turned and saw the tall guy was still there, waving. "What's up?" I asked. "I'm sorry if I'm making stress… I'm just kind of high and I wanted to say something." "And that is...?" I asked, as patiently as I could. "What happened to MY Meier?" he cried. "I want MY Meier back. You know what I mean?" Yes... kind of.  There are as many Mensch Meiers as there are people that come to this club - that's what sets the place apart. The door crew doesn't expect everyone to dress in black or suspend all of their personal quirks to wait mutely ...

Berlin's leaders want us to believe that the closure of its clubs is an inevitable consequence of economic success. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this logic? via GIPHY When the specials wrote Ghost Town in 1981, England was in the grips of an unprecedented recession. That economic decline resulted in a situation where, "all the clubs are being closed down" - so run the lyrics of the song.   In Berlin in the present day, clubs are being closed down, too - only now, we are expected to believe that the scene is dying for the opposite reason: the city is a too much of a success . Apparently, the wave of new speculators coming here to invest in our property is just so overwhelming that the city cannot afford to set aside land for the businesses that are already here.  To quote Will Ferrell in Zoolander, "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" Since when is being too much of an economic success an excuse for closing down local busine...

Even though I'm working right into the wee hours of Tag Der Arbeit (ironically), when I emerge into daylight, wreathed in smoke from the dance floor, I will do what every other Vitamin D deficient member of Berlin's nightlife community does: go to a free openair. I'm not sure why, or how, but every year since I first got here, the Berlin club community has had a sort of "opendoor openair" day. The entrance at [most] clubs is free... yes, even at the coolest and most expensive clubs. I think it's because they're all Social Marxist Degenerates (at least, according to the AfD  they are) with Hippy Utopian Leanings (at least, according to me they are). I Don't Know Why I Feel The Need To Use Caps For Those Sorts Of Phrases but it's really hard on the fingers so I'm just going to stop it, now. You will want to take advantage of this annual spirit of generosity by checking out as many never-seen-before Berlin venues as your dilated pupils ca...