Unscene Berlin

Even though I'm working right into the wee hours of Tag Der Arbeit (ironically), when I emerge into daylight, wreathed in smoke from the dance floor, I will do what every other Vitamin D deficient member of Berlin's nightlife community does: go to a free openair. I'm not sure why, or how, but every year since I first got here, the Berlin club community has had a sort of "opendoor openair" day. The entrance at [most] clubs is free... yes, even at the coolest and most expensive clubs. I think it's because they're all Social Marxist Degenerates (at least, according to the AfD  they are) with Hippy Utopian Leanings (at least, according to me they are). I Don't Know Why I Feel The Need To Use Caps For Those Sorts Of Phrases but it's really hard on the fingers so I'm just going to stop it, now. You will want to take advantage of this annual spirit of generosity by checking out as many never-seen-before Berlin venues as your dilated pupils ca...

"Berlin is a big city" - this is one of the first misconceptions you'll hear about Germany's capital.   Well, I hate to break it to you, but it's simply not true. Berlin is a small town, even though it sprawls as far as the eye can see. Witness the sheer unfamiliarity that many Berliners have with normal big city features like, say, commuter trains and escalators. Letting people off the train before you board seems like common sense if you live in a big city, doesn't it? The fact that I see scads of people trying to do the exact opposite every rush hour, and have done for the past nine years, tells me that they're still quite new at this whole 'metropolis' thing. And it's quite possible that they always will be. Or check out those big, extended families from Brandenburg that one regularly sees, frozen in fear at the top of the escalators in Alexanderplatz or Hauptbahnhof S-Bahn station.   It's so fast and steep!   Their panic...

There are so many hipsters turning up in Lichtenberg these days, I’m thinking of tagging and tracking them like the displaced urban wildlife they are. Here are some excerpts from my imaginary log: Journal 1. Section h,i,p Hipster no. 78 turned up dead in front of NP Markt today.  Moments before his collapse, he was seen rummaging through the reduced bins in the aforementioned supermarket.  He was heard remarking that they were ‘very lifelike’, as if under the misconception that he was in some sort of antikmarkt and/or art installation.  He dug out a bottle of gherkins that had expired in 1988, bought them and proceeded to go outside and take a selfy of him consuming one.  After posting the image to Facebook, he went into  convulsions and died within minutes, of a severe case of botulism. Journal 2. Sections s,t,e,r, s Hipster no. 32 was involved in an altercation with a Trabant vehicle today.  He saw the Trabant coming down Weitlingstrasse ...

Truth is like love: putting a price tag on it makes it seem... cheap. EIGHT YEARS' FREE (Scroll to Weekend Picks for the party suggestions) You wanna know one of the main benefits of checking out party recommendations on my blog? (Admittedly, I don't recommend parties as often as I used to, but bear with me please).  I don't get paid one red Euro-cent for the parties that I pick. That means you can rest assured that no cash incentive was involved in me recommending any of the following gigs - and that is a lot more than you can say for most electronic music blogs and websites on the Internet, these days. Some of those sites would probably say that I'm dumb for not capitalising on this space, maximising its traffic potential by renting my words out to hidden advertisers. They're wrong: I'm stubbornly idealistic. I believe that writing about parties is an art form - an end unto itself, not just a vehicle to fuel superstar egos in their aim of re...

What an eventful week in the UK that was! Just a few weeks before Brexit, the country showed plenty of evidence that Theresa May's no-deal strategy was adding yet more salt to the already wounded British economy. For example in Oxford, a central street that used to be lined with shops was now largely shuttered and boarded up. And Oxford is far from being disadvantaged! The upside to this relentless downturn was that exchange rates were good: every €100 got you an extra £15 to spend, compared to one or two years ago. Here's the rest of what happened during that week: Day 1 : Arrived in London on the hottest February day in history. It was 21 degrees Celsius.  Also, Eurosceptic Jeremy  Corbyn  finally - reluctantly - announced that he would be  backing  a second referendum for Brexit in the event of a No Deal being pushed through. Day 2:  Still very warm outside. Decided to visit a Jeff Koons exhibit in Oxford. Although it was costly, the Ashmolea...

While I was in the UK recently, I met my friend's new landlord, Malcolm. As a musician, instructor and volunteer in Oxford, Malcolm is apparently a person of many talents... including one that will come in handy if Brexit ever happens: he has a green thumb. He also has a spacious yard that's ripe for sewing all sorts of crops that won't be available so freely over the border, should the Tories go for a No Deal 'deal' with the EU. "England might be the most corrupt country in the world," Malcolm sighed, speaking with me as he and his friend Martin worked hard on their 'emergency' vegetable garden in the backyard. With benefits being cut and the UK next in line to become a 51st state, the country could indeed be in for some very lean times. Fresh vegetables could even become something of a luxury item - but at least one person has got that aspect covered. Now I only have to worry about everyone and everything else going to seed, if the Brexit...

I recently heard that, in Berlin's club scene, there's a bit of a debate going on as to whether the Left should be using the term 'safer space' instead of 'safe space'. For those not in the know, a 'safe space' is a place where women*, queers and people of colour aren't discriminated against. In theory, anyways. Right from the outset, I have to admit that I dislike these kinds of debates. But apart from the little voice inside me asking  is this discussion really the best use of our energy ,  I find myself troubled by this debate for deeper reasons.  To me, the term 'safe space' has always denoted an  aim: it's  a future state rather than a present one. And, as a woman, sometimes just the aim of being safe and equal is all that gets me out of bed in the morning.   I'm fully aware that, as long as we live under patriarchy, there will be nothing that can really be called a safe space. It's hard not to know that, grow...